Episode 026
SYNOPSIS
The Meriam-Webster dictionary defines common sense as, quote, “sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts” unquote. OK. That’s pretty good but let me amend that with an even simpler definition: Common sense means not being a dumbass. Not being a dumbass is in short supply these days. Here’s what your Great-Grandpa and I think about things.
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My Top 10 Areas Where American Common Sense has Gone AWOL
At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old man — and I’m not all THAT old, mind you — I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that there seems to be a lack of common sense in the world today. In some places, it appears to be either ignored, unrecognized, or just flat-out dead. Sure, every generation probably says this at some point, but in the year 2020, I believe it actually to be true and not just the grumblings of someone pining for days gone by.
So what exactly is, common sense? Well, the Meriam-Webster dictionary defines it as, quote, “sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts” unquote. OK. That’s pretty good but let me amend that with an even simpler definition. Now, I’ve developed this definition carefully over my many years of fatherhood and have tweaked it even more recently in light of the fact that Holly and I currently preside over three teenagers for whom common sense is often a mystery. Are you ready? Here is my tweaked definition: quote, “Common sense means not being a dumbass,” unquote.
I don’t normally use obscenities in my writing, and I’m not sure that “dumbass” qualifies, but y’know, if the shoe fits…
So it seems like, in 2020, a very large swatch of America’s population has climbed aboard the dumbass express, their lack of common sense on full display, regardless of their level of formal education. If he were here today, the late great comedian Jerry Clower would say that some of the folks we’re seeing on the nightly news are “educated beyond their intelligence.”
Anyway, to do my civic duty, I feel that I should point out some of the areas — 10 of them, actually — where, I believe, common sense has fallen by the wayside and offer my Doofus Dad perspective. (You can, by the way, be a doofus but still have common sense.)
And let me offer my apologies in advance if you feel offended or see this simply as a political thing, which it is most certainly not. It is only a common sense thing. Imagine that your late great-grandpa — who for years ran a general store out in the country and always kept a vegetable garden and served as a deacon in his church and would insist on whittling homemade toys for his delighted grandkids… Imagine that he could see what is happening today. These might be the things he would say, and that I’m saying now.
10. Buying up enough toilet paper for the Red Chinese Army because of a COVID freak-out
Yeah, yeah, I know. This one is obvious and low-hanging fruit, but I wanted to mention it anyway. I understand that the world had a collective freak-out session when COVID was introduced this spring, but I’m pretty sure that the virus doesn’t really involve a need for greatly increased butt-wiping. Common sense dictates that had we all just purchased our normal allotment of toilet paper, we would’ve all been OK. Instead, people were buying up pallet-loads of the stuff and shoving it into every available orifice of their homes like squirrels hoarding acorns prior to a bad winter, leaving the rest of us scrambling for anything resembling toilet tissue short of the local newspaper. I mean, come on, people.
9. Being surprised that bad things happen when you commit a crime and resist arrest
I don’t get it. Why aren’t more people saying this? Why aren’t more parents teaching this? We live in a civilized world. What makes it civilized? Mainly laws. Otherwise, you have people running around doing and taking whatever the hell they want. That’s called anarchy, and unless you want to live like the people in “Mad Max,” you don’t want anarchy. If you need further illustration, just flip on the TV and check out Portland and Seattle, as of the writing of this post.
Here’s some common sense: If you don’t want to go to jail, don’t break the law. If you don’t want to be pulled over by the police, don’t act suspicious or place yourself in suspicious surroundings at suspicious times of the day, which means the middle of the night. There’s an old adage that goes, “Nothing good ever happens after midnight.” There is usually a lot of truth in old adages, and there certainly is in this one.
Are there bad police officers out there? Of course! There’s something like 800,000 of them in the U.S., so I’m quite sure that there are some bad ones, just like in any industry, and I’m sure that some reforms are needed. Do some cops engage in racial profiling? I suspect some do. I don’t claim to have all the answers to solve this, but here’s a great start: respect your neighbors, respect the law, respect those who are tasked with enforcing the law, and, for the love of God, don’t break the law. There is right and there is wrong, and that is wrong.
8. Refusing to wear a mask to make a statement
To me, this isn’t a political thing or a freedom thing or even all that much of a medical thing. It is a consideration thing. Whether or not masks do much at all, I am showing my consideration for YOU by wearing a mask. That’s it. I am showing you that I care about my neighbor and I’m helping to protect you, whether or not I’m really helping to protect you. Most of us are not epidemiologists, so most of us don’t really know. Frankly, I’d say that most epidemiologists don’t really know, and the entire topic has become so ridiculously politicized that many people have become paralyzed with their masked halfway to their faces, agonizing over whether to make the leap or not.
Look, wearing a mask, at the very least, is a display of goodwill and consideration. Do I think that a potential government mandate to wear masks outside the home at all times is slightly crazy? Yeah, probably. But you NOT wearing a mask inside a busy store to protest the government does not make common sense. Why? Because the government isn’t there in Kroger or Publix or Dollar General. I am. I’m in there buying Pop Tarts and orange juice and really terrible toilet paper. I appreciate your consideration for wearing a mask just as you should appreciate mine. Is it uncomfortable? Yeah, especially when you have a big beard like I do. Is it a pain in the butt to remember to take it with you and put it on? Of course! But it is for me, too. When we’re shopping together, you and I are partners in the process. If you need to make a political statement, go not wear a mask at a session of Congress or your state legislature or something. Common sense.
7. The government mandating businesses to close
Again, it may seem like common sense to force a business to close during a pandemic, but what is actually happening here? The business closes, thus resulting in layoffs, lost jobs, a lost service to the community, and very possibly, the loss of that business forever as well as the life’s work of that business owner. Then, the government sends the business a check that is HIGHLY unlikely to be big enough to keep the doors open. At the same time, that check is adding to our vast national debt which is so big, we’ve run out of numbers to describe it. So we end up with closed businesses, a damaged economy, a crazy debt, and record unemployment, while the virus continues to do what it’s going to do because, um, it’s a virus and doesn’t care about politics or your business or anything else. So forcing businesses to close is, to me, contrary to common sense. So what’s the alternative? Let the businesses remain open, educate people on how to remain relatively safe (ie: wear your freaking mask), and then let them make their own decisions on whether or not to go shopping.
6. Referring to violent riots as “peaceful protests” that are accomplishing good
This, perhaps more than any other single thing, is a situation where certain media outlets and politicians are trying to convince us of one thing while we are seeing something else, right there in front of us, in plain sight, with our own two eyeballs. When people refer to fiery, violent, destructive riots as “peaceful protests,” they may as well be waving their hand before our faces and saying, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for,” and then we all just say, “Oh. Yeah. Those are peaceful protests.”
It might be the damndest thing I’ve ever encountered. Any lucid, functioning, and fairly logical human person on Earth knows that isn’t a “peaceful protest.” Unless they are literally on crack or just fell on their head or just had four wisdom teeth removed, any person knows that a “peaceful protest” is when people demonstrate without the presence of violence or destruction. Remember those non-violent civil rights protests led by Martin Luther King in the 1960? Those were peaceful protests. Dragging people out of their cars and beating the hell out of them; firebombing fast food restaurants, federal courthouses, and Autozones; screaming obscenities through loudspeakers into the faces of random people; and looting every store within reach, regardless of who owns it or what’s in it, IS NOT a peaceful protest by anyone’s imagination. It is a violent riot. And the last time I checked, it is a crime to vandalize and destroy private property, beat people up, take things from stores without paying for them — which is also called theft — and ATTACK POLICE OFFICERS. Therefore, the people who do this ARE CRIMINALS, not heroic protestors.
This is common sense. It’s not rocket science, it shouldn’t be political, and it is not up for debate, unless perhaps, you are a Jedi master. And the act of destroying American cities and attacking your neighbors and the police is probably the LAST thing that could be done to affect positive change in the world, short of, perhaps, enticing a giant comet to crash into Earth and sending us the way of the dinosaurs. Violent riots — and that’s what they are — propagate fear, disillusionment, sadness, and even more division than we began with.
5. Cancelling college football
Now, I know it’s sacrilegious to say this around some people, but I’m not really a college football guy. I’m sorry — I just prefer the pros, but I felt the need to mention this topic. College football athletes are arguably some of the healthiest human specimens on Earth and, if you’re going by the data and if you believe SCIENCE, these people are highly unlikely to be affected by COVID. Now I haven’t run the numbers, but it is probably more likely that a college football player will be attacked by a rabid kangaroo or get bonked on the head by a satellite than to become seriously ill from COVID. Even during normal football seasons, these athletes rarely go home and spend most of their time around each other. It would be fairly easy, I would think, to ramp that up a little more, just to keep the folks at home safe, or even let these guys play in a bubble, like the NBA. Remove the fans if you have to, but let the players play and let us watch on TV, just to reintroduce a little bit of normalcy to the world. Common sense.
4. Voting for politicians rather than platforms
Now I’m sure that there are some honest, well-meaning politicians in the world. Somewhere. Chances are, they are toiling away at a local level, trying their level best to make their communities better places to live. But it seems to me that once a person makes it onto the national political stage, their motives change, much like Dr. Jekyll changes into Mr. Hyde, or how that little girl in the Exorcist changed into a head-spinning demon. Frankly, anyone during these times who chooses of their own free will to place themselves into national politics — especially for the Presidency — must be viewed with a vast amount of suspicion. Very often, what began as authentic good intentions transforms into a thirst for power, money, and the stroking of one’s ginormous ego, and that it is equally true on BOTH sides of the aisle. This is why I have counseled my kids to never, EVER vote for a person — especially a politician — but only to vote for a platform. Sure, you have to push a button beside someone’s name in the voting booth, and that might make you throw up in your mouth a little bit, but if you make sure that that person’s policies are most closely aligned with the values and things you believe in, you’re doing the best you can. Voting for a person because you like their personality more than the other candidate goes the way of madness. Long gone are the days prior to social media and our celebrity culture when Americans could be blissfully ignorant of the personal lives and dark secrets of their leaders and were allowed by ALL media to believe only the best of them. It will never be like that again. I know it’s cynical, but common sense dictates to support a platform, not a person. If that person happens to be a nice guy or gal, then you lucked out.
3. Referring to people as *Insert Nation of Origin Here – Americans
I’ve never understood this, and it’s not because I’m an evil white male. Sure, on a surface level, I understand why African-Americans want to be referred to that way, but common sense dictates otherwise. Swedish people are Swedish. Russian people are Russian. Chinese people are Chinese. Shouldn’t Americans simply be Americans? Because if we’re basing this entirely on what occurred in America prior to the Civil War, we are omitting the same sin of slavery in the history of nearly every continent on Earth. Slavery is not unique only to the United States, nor are people of African descent unique to slavery. People of many, many ethnicities — including Caucasians — have been made slaves throughout time, and pretty much every living person agrees that this is a terrible, shameful, and sinful page in human history, whether it ended 1,000 years ago or 250. But it does not make common sense that referring to an ethnicity by its original country or continent of origin is particularly accurate or even if it is, that by pointing this out, it will somehow improve race relations. In my view, it just divides us even more.
But if I’m wrong and it IS proper to add the country or continent of origin to “American,” it should be proper for every person on the planet. We should all research our family trees, determine where our ancestors originally resided, and add that to “American” or “Swedish” or “Iranian” or whatever.
The fact is, though, the vast majority of Americans — regardless of ethnicity — have very little idea of their distant lineage, have never been to the place where their family originated, and have very little if ANY connection to that geographical location. I mean, unless you are a Native American, we ALL originated from somewhere else, and a great many of our ancestors arrived in America against their will, either as slaves, indentured servants, or as political or religious refugees who were forced to flee their homes. We are mostly mutts, and that’s what makes us all Americans. To me, this isn’t racist or partisan politics are anything like that. It’s simply common sense.
2. Taking our moral and political cues from celebrities and pro athletes
There is a pervasive attitude in our country that people on TV are somehow smarter, better people than the rest of us, and therefore, we should take to heart their condescending lectures about how we should think and act. I don’t believe this to be true. I do think, however, that those people are better at being famous and better at playing a particular sport than the rest of us. I’ll give them major props for that. I once saw musician Livingston Taylor say that if it’s true that celebrities are inherently more successful and better people, then it follows that they should also be more successful and better in their personal lives, and that he has seen very, very little evidence of that, and I would tend to agree. Just switch on TMZ if you don’t believe me. The truth is, as a whole, the entertainment and pro sports industries are most interested in making massive truckloads of money and are ill-equipped to lecture the rest of us peons on what we should believe morally and politically. That is common sense.
1. Basing your life on victimhood rather than responsibility
When the Founding Fathers created America, they provide us with the ability to pursue happiness. They didn’t guarantee that we’d find and be able to catch it. This is where common sense is in short supply, in my doofus opinion. Life is not equitable, nor will it ever be, no matter how bad you want it to. Unless the entire human race becomes a clone of one person, humans will be different, with varying degrees of motivation, intelligence, character or lack thereof, and general talent in one area or another. For some, this will manifest into fame and wealth; for others, a life of obscurity on a street corner. There are many examples of people who rose from utter poverty to attain unthinkable riches. There are also plenty of people who started off with every social and financial advantage in the world, only to end up penniless on that same street corner.
Every human is different, and to believe that we should all be exactly the same, and that no one should be allowed to rise above his or her neighbor due to hard work and God-given talent is just … insanity. Do I wish that my books were as popular as Steven Kings’ and that this podcast was as big as Joe Rogan’s or that my music was as well-known as some bigtime musician’s? Sure, that would probably be nice, and that just makes me human. But I don’t begrudge those people for their successes. I also have the common sense to know that I have no one to blame for my lack of fame and wealth but myself. I certainly don’t blame my country!
Stop fretting about what America hasn’t given you and concentrate on what it has — freedom. Freedom to succeed and freedom to fail. If this doesn’t suit you, you might want to check out China or Russia or North Korea or Venezuela. Those folks, you see, don’t have the opportunity to even TRY to become successful nor even the opportunity to complain about it.
What I’m seeing in America these days are a lot of people who are wasting their precious lives yelling and screaming for the government to give them something rather than taking the responsibility to understand the difference between right and wrong, going out and working hard, and providing themselves with a good, productive life, whether than includes fame and fortune or not. It is sad to me that many of these bitter young people will someday be bitter old people who, upon reflection, I predict, will regret how they squandered their life on so much negativity. I have close friends and even family members who fit this description, and it’s a shame, even tragic.
You live in a free country. Get an education, even if it’s not perfect. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Learn the difference between right and wrong. Get a job and be a good employee or start your own business and work your butt off at it. Use your God-given talents and develop a skill or two. Respect and be kind to everyone, regardless of race. Take responsibility for yourself. This isn’t brain surgery and it shouldn’t be political. It’s just good ol’ common sense.
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Doofus Dad blogs and books are written by future Pulitzer Prize winner Mark E. Johnson. Mark writes about any and everything, all from the perspective of a bumbling, beleaguered, slightly inept father of three, not that this would in any way reflect true life.