This past Saturday morning, Holly and I set up our folding camp chairs at our little town’s beautiful city park to watch our 7-year-old’s soccer game. We arrived a little late, so we had to situate ourselves a couple rows back from the sideline. This afforded us a view of all of the spectators, mostly parents and grandparents.
During the periods when Pete was out of the game, I found myself looking around at the people, and noticed something disturbing: Nearly every single woman in view was either overweight, on her way to obesity, or already there. I mean, literally, everywhere I looked. In particular, there was a group of friends and family members directly in front of me. Every last woman was heavy, and it came as no surprise to me that nearly all of them was drinking a soda of some kind.
(Let me mention here that I’m not using “obesity” as a descriptive term. In Western countries, “obese” refers to a person whose body weight index is greater than 30.)
This is nothing unusual. I’ve written about this sort of thing before. But what I noticed this day was that the ladies seem to almost embrace the condition of their bodies. Several of them stood — not sat — in a circle with diet sodas in hand, the way people do at a party, on full display to the entire soccer audience. They chatted loudly as if trying to draw attention to themselves, and the topic was more often than not their health. They complained in exaggerated voices about one malady or another, as they guzzled soda.
Now, it isn’t that they had total disregard for their appearance. Quite the contrary, actually. They wore jean shorts and shimmery blouses, and several of them had flowery tattoos on their ankles and legs. To a person, each had a fancy hairdo with some type of perm or highlights, and each was heavily made up. Their feet, each toenail carefully painted with a variety of designs, were shoved into sandals or flip-flops the straps of which were adorned with shiny, sparkly things.
It struck me that these women had spent an enormous amount of time, money, and effort on every aspect of their outward appearance with absolutely no regard for what was contained within all the bling: their bodies. Worse still was the fact that several young children were with this group and without exception, each was carrying some type of candy or soda and each was overweight. At a preschool age, their destinies are set.
It made me angry, sad, and sick. Let me say something about the South. I’m from North Carolina, I’ve lived in Tennessee for two decades, and I love my Southern heritage. I think it’s the best place in the world to live and raise children, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
But it’s an indisputable fact that my Southern culture so thoroughly encourages obesity that it has become a badge of honor to both men and women. Guys with enormous pot guts hold cold beer at barbecues and brag about how much they ate at the Sunday buffet. Women chatter about biscuits and bundt cakes and Diet Coke while wearing clothes that can barely contain their girth. More often than not, group conversations settle into impassioned discourse regarding this restaurant or that, which famous covered dish Aunt Lucy brought to the Easter luncheon, or for how long a rack of ribs should be properly smoked.
What must happen before we wake up? Our love affair with food is easily the single most destructive and negative element in Southern culture today, in my opinion, and at the same time, it is the center of our lives. If you honestly examine this, you will know it to be true.
I fear for these people, many of whom are in my own family. I fear for what is in store for them. I’m afraid that their later years will be filled with sickness, pain, and regret. These are loving, honest, hard-working, God-fearing human beings whose lives will be cut short because they couldn’t accept the reality that what they were shoving in their mouths would ultimately kill them, and do so long before their numbers should be called.
It’s not genetics, people. Don’t come at me with that lame-ass argument. Human beings are made to come in all shapes and sizes, but none of us were designed to become morbidly obese. For that, we must blame ourselves. It’s about inactivity and what we shove down our pie holes, period.
It’s no big mystery how people get fat. They eat more calories than they burn. That’s obviously a simplification, but essentially all there is to it.
This isn’t about “fat-shaming,” either, and frankly, that’s nothing more than a bullshit, cop-out phrase coined by a world of PC excuse-makers. This is reality. It’s the world we live in. At some point, our nation must realize that it’s eating itself into a miserable, painful, and premature grave. And at some point, you have to ask yourself, “Do I want to be politically correct or do I want to help my loved one live a long, healthy life?
Let me ask you this: If your son, daughter, mother, husband, or best friend were openly and actively doing heroin in front of you, would you say something? I would sure hope so. Here’s another example: Would you encourage your teenager to play Russian roulette with a loaded .44 magnum before your very eyes?
The answer, of course, is no. Then why, for God’s sake, is it perfectly acceptable for you to allow your loved ones to kill themselves just as dead with food? Dead is dead, no matter how you get there. The only difference between junk food and drugs is that the former is legal and usually drags out the misery over a much longer period of time. That’s it, and it’s not just my opinion. The U.S. Center for Disease Control says that obesity brings with it a much higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, hypertension, and a host of other nightmares.
I know we can’t start running around grabbing Twinkies out of people’s mouths and throwing them to the ground like Jesus and the money-changers. But here’s what you can do. You can start with yourself. You can spend a little time reading about nutrition, you can start changing your eating habits, you can start walking around the block in the evenings, and you can begin setting the example for your children and grandchildren. You CAN do this. Don’t wait a day longer.
Stop this madness.
***
In case I haven’t offended you enough, let me go ahead and seal the deal. Read this blog I wrote last year about sugar and children: “I know you’re just trying to be nice. Don’t.”
I could not agree with you more. My husband and I were talking about this very thing recently. Our twin boys play football and I sit at practice watching the parents and I’m mortified at how big everyone is. Everyone.
And my husband has a theory: when kids become Tweens and then teens they need and eat so many more calories than us. But many parents don’t pay attention to that so their portions are the same as their kids. (My husband and I were athletes and I’m a Certified Nutrition Consultant who does Crossfit so health and strength are important in our home.)
And funny thing: my daughter’s volleyball team? None if the moms are heavy. Go figure. Is it because teen boys eat more and parents aren’t paying attention?
Who knows?
I do know this. It’s not just the south. I live in California and it’s everywhere. Sadly.
Thanks for this insightful comment, Lara. As a nutritionist, I’m sure this is very frustrating and painful for you, because you undoubtably want to help. What to do…?
Unfortunately, we are so busy as a society now that meals at home are a thing of the past. We have 3 teens who play sports and are busy but we try hard to make sure they eat well. Even if it’s a Subway sandwich over a fast food burger. And just thinking ahead. Pack stuff. But it’s intentional for sure.
I think you hit on something important too, especially for women. We have this mentality that we come in all shapes and sizes. And we do. But we use that as an excuse to be overweight.
Crossfit has taught me that muscles and curves are good things but us “curvy” girls at the box aren’t carrying extra weight we weren’t designed to carry. I think people miss that.
I’m from Perth, Western Australia, and it’s no different here. We’re getting heavier and heavier and it’s ignored! Could it be (among other reasons), that food has taken on a higher meaning? We have chefs who hold a higher status than our political leaders. Food preparation TV shows are on every channel at every hour of the day and night. Food marketing is through the room. It’s like every time we eat something it’s meant to be a celebration of life, a worshipping of some wheat based God. Of course, I’m being flippant, but it is disasterous. No longer is food about fueling our machines, no longer do we even know when our bodies are full and don’t need any more input. It’s very sad. I don’t have any answers for society as a whole, but I am doing what you’ve suggested Mark and I’m working inhouse – myself and my family. We will feed our machines and look elsewhere for ways to celebrate life.
Awesome, Lisa. I LOVE the last line of your comment, in particular. Thank you so much for this.
Well said, Lisa.
I read an article recently comparing how things were in the 70’s vs. now with food. We have food available to us everywhere. Even office supply stores have sodas and snacks at the checkout counter. As if we can’t run errands without needing to put something in our mouths. It’s crazy.
I will also agree with you up to a certain point. Yes, weight gain happens because you consume more than you burn. The reasons for that consumption to excess though are varied and complicated. Unfortunately I speak from experience having a sister who died 10 years ago this month due to complications from morbid obesity. I am not a psychologist, but anyone who knew my sister knew that she struggled with her own personal demons and the weight seemed to be a defense mechanism. The reason I say this is that anytime she worked towards losing weight and the people around her would start complimenting her, she would sabotage herself and gain all if not more weight back. I often wonder if all of her yo-yo dieting isn’t part of what caused her to die.
Do not misinterpret what I’m saying above that I am giving a pass to people who are overweight. My biggest fear is that we are enough generations into this obesity epidemic that it is now a normal way to be. like you noticed at your sporting event, the mothers almost reveled in their corpulence. It just makes me sad because I can see where they are going and it’s not pretty.
Peri, I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. What a tragedy. I know I risk offending people when I bring up this subject, but it’s because I know that it can so often be turned around. It is sometimes more complicated than simply, you eat more than you burn, I know, but in most cases, that’s how it gets started. It’s often a generational curse — not of genetics, but of culture. I really do hate it, and all the more when I hear about people like your sister.
Not your place to judge and people make decisions for themseves, not every overweight person drinks soda and eats ice cream some of us survive cancer and are treated with steroids! So Thanks for judging all of us big bad people! By the way up at 4 to the Crossfit gym by 5am and I dare say I will not be defined by a number on the scale or someone like you! I am a kind loving people who dedicates my care and service to premature babies and ill children. I am free, a child of God who loves life and people, even ones like you who judge others without knowing them and i weigh 185 lbs of pure sass!!! So next time you see one if those overweight ladies how about a quick prayer for them instead of your judgement!
Hey Sandra. Please help me with a few questions I have for you.
#1. When you say you don’t want to be defined by someone like Mark, what does that mean? Do you know him? Really know him?
#2. How do you know that Mark isn’t praying for people that actually struggle with their weight? We’re not talking about the ones that hold the beer and brag, but the ones that truly struggle.
#3. Where does Mark indicate that EVERY overweight person is a product of their diet?
#4. Is it your place to tell Mark what HIS place is?
#5. Just because someone dares to broach a subject that you’re overly-sensitive about, they’re being judgmental?
#6. What does 185 lbs of pure sass mean?
#7. Can you get through a day without being offended?
Just in case you didn’t pick up on the theme of the article, it’s not about being overweight; it’s about being ignorant, satisfied, and DEAD. At least (for now) you only appear to be a part of the former.
Thanks for proving his point.
You couldn’t have put it better, Brandon!
People in the South still eat like they were farmhands with no machinery and had a hard time getting enough calories to get through the workday (thus all the gravies and fried everything). They have not adjusted their diets to their current lifestyles, and this is the result.
This is a very interesting theory, Mark. I think you may be on to something…
Well said! Soda is the best place to start too! Our health/weight needs to be worked at as much as our job.
I have found that if I show up and accomplish that whiteboard with others that do the same I make better choices.
It’s a huge issue today! Lol I think a lot of the problem stems from our on the go lifestyle. Fast food might as well be poison, you walk into a gas station and it’s a smorgasbord of garbage without a healthy thing in site! People are buying it!!! Its amazing…Diabetes is of epic proportions and why? Not genetics…yes some diabetes tends to be familiar but that is not the type that is causing epidemic numbers. I could continue on about all the terrible health issues diabetes causes but it would be longer than the original article. This all comes from personal experience, I have been forced to control my diet and exercise and guess what? 55 pounds later and regular exercise (weight training and cardio) I feel great! 500 % plus!!! If I knew before I would feel this much better I would have done it years ago! I wish people could just have just one day of how good they COULD feel to motivate them to improve their health!!!
Thank you for this awesome testimonial, Ann. I wish we could have a revolution of Anns!
So I’m going to be the oddball here and completely disagree with everything you said. Is it really calories in, calories out? Is it really that simple? You have probably seen some of the Biggest loser show…I would hope..God forbid you haven’t. Is it that simple for the biggest looser contestants? They don’t struggle with life trauma’s that have fueled the fire of their food addiction?? It’s really just that simple? Calories in, calories out? Wow, facepalm. If only I knew that, then maybe I could loose a few more pounds.
Oh but there’s that darn thyroid test back…hypo again, even though I did the whole30 challenge and DIDN’T CHEAT AT ALL, no body changes. None. Zero. Zilch. The year before that, I did Shaklee’s Cinch. I didn’t cheat, I made separate meals for my family. I gained weight. The year before that, I did Cinch again, but with Whey protein. No results. I worked out three times a week. Did sit ups all day as I homeschooled my kids. NOTHING. Not one change. In fact, over the past 4 years I’ve gained 20 pounds. I’m actually in the obese category now. I cannot loose weight, and it’s heartbreaking. I grow my own veggies- organic, NON GMO. I preserve food. I eat lots of protein. I never NEVER have soda. Growing up, I thought spinach and cheese was desert because my Momma raised us right. I don’t even buy juice for my kids- I brew organic tea (peach, lemon etc) and make it iced, and add local raw honey. I’m hardcore. I’m from Oregon, I mean hello…I KNOW how to eat healthy and live healthy. But I cannot loose weight despite my best efforts. And everywhere I go I feel like people are only seeing my body- not the story- not the real me. And you, you just confirmed that.
I find it disturbing that you took the time to look these women over so much that you had their bodies memorized down to their tattoo’s. When I go watch my children play a sport, I actually WATCH them. I don’t find a group of people to be disgusted with, then use them to write a blog about how right I am.
Do you know their names? Did you befriend them? Or did you just sit there wondering when they would stop the madness? If this is how you want to be known- I’m sorry. I bet, if you would have taken the time to get to know these women- you would have found something you admired about them. I bet if you would have turned these loud, fat women into friends- this blog would sound a heck of a lot kinder, and compassionate.
I don’t know you, but you can tell I’m mad. You should be ashamed of this blog. Ashamed. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that people are more then they appear, and there’s ALWAYS more to the story. Next time you see a group of fat, proud women with tattoo’s- hug them. Just freaking hug them. Because they need it.
So because you struggle, everyone does? Because you need a hug, everyone does? Should everyone in the U.S. think just like someone from Oregon? Is everything always about you?
Trust me. The people he’s talking about don’t give a rat’s ass, but they might eat one if it had enough sauce on it.
Once again, this isn’t just about being overweight. It’s about being overweight, and OK with it. Laughing and bragging about it, and then being DEAD. It’s about someone not caring enough to truly educate themselves.
Oh, and thanks for letting us know that you’re mad. I’ll certainly sleep better knowing that. It doesn’t make your argument(s) any stronger, but it does make it easier to overlook the fact that you don’t know the difference in “loose” and “lose”.
Maybe you could be a little less emotional, and a little more intellectual.
Did I just judge you? My bad.
Good grief.
Pass the Outer Courts, please see my reply below.
Good article. I wont pretend I’m perfect but I try hard to stay fit and healthy and its a challenge to make smart nutrition and fitness issues on a daily basis. I turn down dessert more often than not and put my morning workout on my calendar before most other things. But I had thought for a while that size was determined more by genetics and felt lucky to be on the small side of the scale. After paying closer attention to the eating habits of those around me who are significantly overweight, I am convinced that portion size, meal choices, and lack of discipline are HUGE factors in the obesity dilemma facing so many. If I go out to eat at most places I can count on my dinner making a pretty good lunch for myself the next day while my dining companion routinely downs the whole thing in one sitting. Maybe I’m just cheap, but its keeping me healthy.
Wow Brandon, way to fire back!
Loved your article Mark. I am a health care provider and it’s heartbreaking to see that over half of the people I weigh during their visit are overweight. What’s even more alarming is that my patient population are active Dudy soldiers. The many physical fitness failures we see because they can’t pass the abdominal tape test is becoming a real problem.They knew the standards going in and a lot are being discharged because of it. I don’t know what it will take for it all to change.
I am a fatass who is not offended by this article. I will tell you the truth.. I am a 41 year old mother of 3, I work in a high stress IT position, who goes to my Crossfit Gym 5 days a week and trains 3 times a week in addition. I am a mean 264lbs which up 24lbs since I started my Xfit journey in Jan 2014. My problem is food, I love it and I medicate with it… But I am aware that something has to give and I recently started making some lifestyle changes with my eating. It took time to put this weight on, it will take time to relearn healthy eating and take the weight off.
You might be saying how come all the crossfit has not done anything. Well that is where you are wrong. When I started this journey I could not do a girl pushup….9 months later I do REAL pushups 5 at a time…. I can do box jumps, double unders (still working on stringing them together) I am on the leader board for my bench press and 5 rep strict press! My powerlifting total increased from 410 to 550. I am doing work…
Now is the right time for me to start training my diet! I am lucky and have people I can turn to now that I am ready to tackle the HARD stuff.
I hold myself accountable for my bad habits, I do not make excuses. I refuse to lie to myself…. I can be the strong fat old lady at the gym or I can take it a day at a time and make better choices and in another 9 months I can put on a bathing suit without wear shorts and a long sleeve ahort over it…… It has taken me some time to change my attitude, maybe my change will inspire someone else and so on and so on.
Love yer blog man, keep em coming.. Not all fatties will hate ya for sharing your opinion.
Erica:
You are freaking awesome and my new hero.
Erica:
Keep it up!
Hi, Pass the Outer Courts:
I’m afraid that you’ve missed the point of my blog. I’m not judging any one particular person or saying that every single overweight person arrived there in exactly the same way. This is an indictment of a regional culture that worships food and tolerates if not celebrates the condition of obesity. It’s not about one person’s struggle or whether or not we love one another. What I’m saying is that if we truly DO love one another, we need to have the guts to speak the truth and break this cultural cycle of obesity through rampant overeating of terribly unhealthy foods.
Actually, I do know some of those ladies and I like them very much. However, I just attended the funeral of my favorite aunt, a person who was truly a living saint and was loved by every person who met her, and her amazing life was cut short due to diabetes, cancer, and a host of other maladies that were undoubtably a direct result of her Southern diet. She suffered badly in the last few months of her life, and I’m not OK with that. She should still be here with us, and I wish that I would’ve had the balls and maturity to help her adjust things years ago, before it was too late. So forgive me if I respectfully disagree with your statement that I should be “ashamed.”
Please go back and read this again, and try not to be so offended. This is not about you, Pass the Outer Courts. This is about a culture of nutritional indifference that is killing our nation and taking our favorite people away from us way too soon.
While I do know the point you’re trying to make- I do believe you’ve failed to make it like you would want to. I’m just as passionate about boldly speaking truth and I’ve found that, in order to reach the people that need it most, we do need to be mindful of our approach and words.
I actually DO know this isn’t about me- I was using me as an example so I wouldn’t be gossiping about others. I know I eat well, and work out- and I know once hormone levels get better, as will I.
I also use to live in NC and saw first hand exactly what you’re talking about. Coming from Eugene, Oregon- is was SHOCKING. I couldn’t find the right food…so I hardly ate lol!
I’ve re-read as you asked- and still REALLY feel like your point (which is a good, valid point) is being overshadowed by your tone (for lack of a better word). Since you DO know them, I would honestly add that in. Tell the story of your aunt. There is a lot of truth in what you said, but it’s lacking compassion so greatly that the people that need to hear it the most, won’t. I mean, I know when I’m struggling with something it’s hard. Then when someone points it out, dang that’s even harder lol. It hurts.
I’m not saying to be all cheesy and fake, but a little compassion goes a long way I’ve found. Trust me, I know. I’m a Jesus freak with an Atheist Dad and agnostic Momma and Mormon brother….when I speak about truth that matters to me, I need to be very mindful of their worldview, and even past. This mindfulness isn’t to avoid offending- but to give it the biggest chance possible in being heard. Though I’m worried about their death, just like you, I can’t just act like a tool and use that as my “get out of jail” card. I need to listen…validate…understand…LEARN. I’ve found that’s MUCH harder then just yelling the truth and hoping they stop what I believe is madness.
I don’t think anyone will argue with you that soda is bad…and obesity can kill- and does. But I think the question we need to be asking in regards to this topic, is first- why? WHY are people not stopping the madness? What’s beneath this all? Aside from the obvious, calorie in/calorie out- which is pretty basic…why AREN’T people doing something about it? It makes no logical sense..so CLEARLY it’s not THAT easy. That’s something I would love to read about.
Thanks for the ongoing conversation- these things do matter.
Thanks for your comment. Obviously, my tone is not going to work for everybody. I started this blog to simply write the way I feel at any given time, and today, I felt like being blunt. Quite frankly, based on this very conversation and many others that have taken place tonight based on this blog, I’d call it an unmitigated success! Neither you nor I will get to the bottom of why people eat the way they do in the course of a single blog post, but my goal was to rattle some cages, not try to tiptoe around and make friends. This subject is too important and time-sensitve. Also, you didn’t seem too concerned about tone in your first comment to me, either. You may want to re-read that, too. 🙂
Ha! I can respect that you wanted to rattle cages…you surely did that. And I did consider my tone- the difference is I’m directly approaching the very person that rattled my cage- per se. And your cage is clearly rattled as well, instead you took it to the safety of the blogger world which honestly- isn’t going to achieve what you want it to. There are hundreds of thousands of bloggers out there- your rant won’t make much of a difference.
I’ve helped your traffic a bit by sharing your blog with some of my friends-some of whom are overweight and even currently seeking counseling to work on their love affair with food. The census was, this blog was ignorant and naive.
I would encourage you, next time, if you actually want to be the bearer of truth to do so in love and humility because they make all the difference.
As a fellow blogger, one that loves to spread truth- I also encourage you to take the constructive criticism- you can be bold and even harsh without actually hurting those that need the message most. It’s a tricky balance, but it’s possible. And you’ll be really REALLY amazed by the responses.
I do understand needing to to just vent, and freaking let loose- for that I can just it all go and understand where you were at when you wrote this. I know writing can be therapeutic.
Perhaps a follow up blog is in order- one where you aren’t just needing to vent- one where you take the time to talk to someone struggling with weight…or maybe tell story where it’s effected you personally- and go that route. I would be curious the response you would get, and how it could help those that need to hear it.
Best of luck, thank you again for the ongoing conversation.
Hmm. You are very insightful about me, it seems, and I’m fascinated by this. You appear to have knowledge of what I wanted to achieve with this article, the reach and success (or lack thereof) of my blog, and what I would find amazing. You’ve also given me valuable counsel on how to follow up, how my readers will respond, and you EVEN helped my traffic! However, I’m afraid all of this insight and charitable advice will surely be lost on someone as ignorant and naive as myself. Bummer. I guess I’ll have to soldier on without the input of you and your friends who are in counseling for their food love affair. But thank you so much anyway!
I agree with almost everything you said except “They eat more calories than they burn.” Gary Taubes and others would argue the type of calorie is more important than the amount of calories. Sam Feltham’s 5000 calorie experiments, while anecdotal, are telling and research is starting to show it it’s backed by science.
That said, you are right. It’s sadly becoming a badge of honor to be heavy and it is literally killing people. 🙁
Jeff, I haven’t read Sam Feltham’s experiment, but I’ll look it up. Thanks for your comment!
Mark, I applaud your honesty in sharing your thoughts on this difficult topic. The high percentage of overweight/obese women in our culture has indeed made it a social problem. Coming from a gerontological perspective, I can say that anyone who continues being obese past middle age will pay a heavy price by developing chronic health problems which will make his/her remaining life very unpleasant. The good news is that the damage can be reversed if it is addressed in middle age or before. I have worked as an activity director in assisted living facilities for several years now, and I can tell you there are not very many heavy elders living in these places! This ought to get our collective attention.
I think it is great that people are participating in exercise and physical conditioning, but the fact is that being healthy is about 85 percent about what we eat. Anything else we do is just icing on the cake.
I have known you for a long time, and I know what you say on this topic is said in love.
Thank you, Katy. Yes, you know the spirit in which I write about these difficult topics. It’s funny, because just yesterday morning, I was thinking about the fact that there are very few obese elders, and I actually meant to mention that in the blog. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? And almost any person who lives to a ripe — and healthy — old age of 90+ seems to be wiry, like Louis Zamperini was.
Some people work around/with bees and never get “stung”……..others, the bees are attracted to………….Wonder?..did you open up a bee hive?
Love your writing!
Hahaha! Jim, I think some beehives need to be opened for the betterment of the colony! I can take a sting or two! Tell everyone I said hey!
I found your column offense and didn’t even read your whole article. I’m tired of people making negative comments on other people weight, height , body type, skin color, etc.
Blaisdell, I encourage you to read the entire article. You’ll see that I’m commenting on our culture of eating. My problem is with the untimely sicknesses and deaths of my friends and loved ones as well as yours. I’m sorry you find this offensive. Frankly, I’m pretty offended by it myself.
MJ. You were correct…whole lot of replies from all angles…or is it angels…about how to loose weight…or is it lose…wait. (*Sorry Brandon say… had to poke the bare a little. Bear with me.)
EB
You ain’t right, Eddie Brawner.
I agree with you – interesting that you mention heroin but not alcohol. Having lost a few family members to diseases/conditions brought on by/exacerbated by heavy alcohol consumption, I am saddened watching the third generation in my family continue to shorten their lives this way. I am not a teetotaler but recognizing the propensity for abuse, I have on purpose never increased my tolerance for alcohol the way other people in my family have. There is no such thing as drinking in moderation in my family yet I don’t think any of the drinkers recognize that fact – they are “just having a good time” though it continues to take more and more alcohol to bring on whatever feeling it is they seek, which will ultimately be their undoing in terms of their health – you simply can’t drink that much over a period of many years without it having some sort of deleterious effect on your health – sooner or later. Yet each would say “I really don’t drink that much” – they seem unaware of actually how much and how often they drink, and are not interested in examining it and being truthful with themselves about it.
I miss my 64-year-old brother who would almost certainly still be living had he not drunk so much so often in the last 20 years of his life.