Holding Out Hope
Most parents aren’t professional child-rearing experts with advanced degrees in child psychology. Parents are just people. And just when you think parenting can’t get any more difficult or confusing, it does.
Entries by Mark Johnson
008: The Curse of the Common Name
If you are blessed with a cool name — Gordon Lightfoot, Ernest Hemingway, or Tiger Woods, for example — life is all downhill the moment you’re born and the world is your oyster. But try slugging through life when sharing the same dull name as every practically everybody else, like Mark Johnson. I’ve decided, however, to beat the system and become THE Mark Johnson.
007: THE TOP 6 WAYS FOR DADS TO AVOID PISSING OFF THEIR TEENAGED DAUGHTERS
Teenaged daughters are volatile creatures, much like a wolverine or, perhaps, a honey badger. If a well-meaning dad simply makes eye contact with his teenaged daughter for too long, he may lose a nose or ear. Here is what I recommend, although it’s unlikely that any of it will work.
006: My Top 11 Things Every First-Time Dad Should Know
Unfortunately, babies don’t come with an instruction manual, and ask my wife — I’m an instruction manual guy. Sure, there are a zillion parenting books out there, but theory and practice are two entirely different things, so I had to implement on-the-job learning. This list of 11 important things for first-time dads gets right down to the nitty gritty of the matter. Just understand, though, that you’re still gonna make an idiot out of yourself at some point. Just don’t drop the baby on its head.
005 — Critter Chronicles: The Lowly ‘Possum
Critter Chronicles is my “mockumentary” about the wildlife around my home in Tennessee. If you enjoy wildlife and think “This is Spinal Tap” is the greatest movie ever, you’ll like this. I think. Maybe not. Who knows…? Anyway, this episode is about our old friend, the ‘possum.
004 – The Incredibly Weird Tooth Fairy
Somebody was seriously impaired or, at best, exercised poor judgement when they invented the Tooth Fairy. How this custom ever caught on is beyond me. Cash money for old, used teeth?? The heck?
Our V-C Day will come soon
On March 2, just a few innocent weeks ago, I traveled to New Orleans with my son, Sam, a freshman at the University of Tennessee at Martin. It was his Spring Break, so we decided to take advantage of low airline prices (possibly due to some strange virus that was happening overseas) and visit NOLA, […]
Blog Version: Doofus Dad’s Top 9 Handy & Useful Tricks for Dealing with the Coronavirus
Disclaimer: The following is me poking fun of something that is clearly serious and bad. I am aware that it is serious and bad, but choose to poke fun at it anyway because, well, I need to. You have now been legally disclaimed. As I write this, today is Friday, March 13, 2020. By now, […]