Tag Archive for: funny

The Top 10 Reasons I Might Not Work Out Today

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People have all kinds of excuses for not working out. I mean, there are thousands of them, take your pick. They are usually weak, baseless, transparent, laughable, and just plain ol' lame. In fact, I wrote a blog about them a while back. (Read…

Critter Chronicles: Exposing the Seedy Underbelly of Tennessee’s Wildlife. Vol. 1— The ‘Possum

(Author’s note: This shocking new series reveals the raw, unedited, back-alley stories behind the seemingly harmonious wildlife of southern Cheatham County, Tennessee.) Ahh, the lowly ‘possum. This animal is feared, hunted, eaten,…

Casting the first fly: Indoctrination on the Bighorn River

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Careful not to slip on the mossy rocks, I stepped into the water of the Bighorn River. "Dang. This is cold." My guide, Jerry Smalley, scoffed as he walked past me, his hands full of fly rods and gear. "That water ain't cold," he said.…

The Top 9 Tips/Observations of a Disney First-Timer

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On Feb. 21, 2016, my family embarked on an earth-shattering, mind-bending, week-long, first-time-ever vacation at the Happiest Place on Earth: Disney World. It is now about a week and a half since we returned, and I'm writing the blog that…

The Top 10 truths about winter storms in the South

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We're going on Day 6 of the Great Wintery-Mix Storm of 2015.  Because we're all essentially trapped in our homes, Americans on the lower-right side of the map have all taken to social media to air their witticisms and smart-aleck remarks…

The Top 10 Things I’m Offended, Shocked, and/or Outraged By, 2.0

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I'm updating this blog a bit in light of the latest explosion of social media outrage. I'll write something entirely new for the next round of outrage, which I'm sure will be coming in, like, five minutes from now. In the United States,…

Top 5 Passage-of-Time Discrepancies Related to Crossfit

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I think I may actually be a science genius. I make this bold statement because I've taken notice of a strange discrepancy in the natural laws of time and space.  There are some activities in life, I've deciphered using scientific method,…

Top 9 reasons why I should be the ‘Face of Crossfit’ instead of Rich Froning

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So Froning is essentially the “Face of Crossfit." The Reebok/Crossfit people must be living charmed lives, because Froning is handsome, articulate, funny, and by all accounts, a very nice guy. However, I’ve given this some serious thought, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I, Mark Johnson, would be a better “Face of Crossfit" than Mr. Froning. Here are the top 9 reasons why.

My Top 6 Driving Idiots

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The older I get, the more I realize that my own thoughts and experiences aren't as unique as I once believed.  In fact, I've decided that most everybody thinks pretty much the same thoughts.  All day long we're thinking the same stuff while we each think we're thinking different stuff.  Know what I mean? With that in mind, I wondered if you have some of the same driving pet peeves as me.  I bet you do.  I know this because I suspect you're like me — a considerate driver whose goal is to navigate the human legion of ignoramuses each morning and evening without making a trip to the body shop or hospital.  So in ascending order of malfeasance, here's my list of the Top 6 Driving Idiots.

Trail run – 1, Johnson – 0

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I awoke one Saturday morning in September, rolled over, grabbed my phone, and checked the Crossfit workout of the day. "I ain't doing that #*$%," I believe were my first words of the day. I'm not proud of the language nor do I condone…