Fatherhood is a lot easier in theory than in practice. Prior to actually meeting and interacting with their first kid, most first-time fathers imagine themselves as a combination of Sheriff Andy Taylor from “The Andy Griffith Show” and…

There are several culturally sanctioned lies we tell our children. Y’know, things that are clearly made-up and not true. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, “We'll take a vacation to Disney World one summer soon,” are all examples. These fibs are fun and well-meaning, but untruths nonetheless. Don’t worry, I’m not judging. I’m all for them and participate enthusiastically. Of the Tooth Fairy, however, I’m not a huge fan. The concept that a supernatural being — perhaps a tiny, sparkly woman with wings — flutters into a child’s bedroom late at night, collects the still-bloody, newly extracted tooth from directly underneath the kid’s head, and replaces it with quite real currency…well... It’s just weird.

These days, scrolling through the Internet is like sitting at a table with a dozen six-year-old boys at a Chucky Cheese pizza birthday party — it’s a cacophony of noise, it’s impossible to listen to any single conversation, and even if you could, it wouldn’t be worth your concentration. So with this in mind, I’m going to make your life easier by giving you clear, succinct, and easy to understand reasons why this post is worth your valuable time, and you can go ahead and forget about all that other stuff on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blah, blah, blah. You can thank me later.