(Updated from 12-2012) Since first publishing this Kid’s Electronics Christmas Contract in 2012, I’ve been delighted but not necessarily surprised at how many nervous parents have downloaded it. We’re all in this child-rearing boat together, after all. But I thought it was time for an update, so I’ve made a few minor adjustments. Feel free […]
Let me start by saying this: Nobody’s perfect. We all make grammatical errors from time to time the same way we make mistakes in other areas of our life. I wish we all had personal copy editors, but we don’t. Even for a professional like me (stop rolling your eyes), composing a blog about writing […]
Note: Occasionally, I break down and write a serious post. Please don’t hold this against me. And also be aware that I have no affiliation with Firestone Auto Care in any way. *** Helpful. The word is often overlooked in these cynical days. Being helpful is usually paired with an attitude of “what’s in […]
The day that your teenager gets their driver’s license and drives a substantial distance solo for the first time is interesting for a parent. There are other adjectives I could’ve chosen other than “interesting.” Appropriate choices would also be horrifying, terrifying, nauseating, and post-traumatic-stress inducing.
As we topped a wide slope, the vista before us revealed our task: we would be walking along a gently rising ridge situated adjacent to a massif of snowy peaks with a valley in between.
There are several culturally sanctioned lies we tell our children. Y’know, things that are clearly made-up and not true. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, “We’ll take a vacation to Disney World one summer soon,” are all examples. These fibs are fun and well-meaning, but untruths nonetheless. Don’t worry, I’m not judging. I’m all for them and participate enthusiastically. Of the Tooth Fairy, however, I’m not a huge fan. The concept that a supernatural being — perhaps a tiny, sparkly woman with wings — flutters into a child’s bedroom late at night, collects the still-bloody, newly extracted tooth from directly underneath the kid’s head, and replaces it with quite real currency…well… It’s just weird.
Few things in life are more confusing and scary for a dad than a teenaged daughter. It’s just true. When our daughters are cooing babies, Dads develop an idealistic fantasy that the father/daughter bond will strengthen into one of those “You can tell me anything” types of arrangements by the time his darling girl reaches […]
As a wildly experienced father of three who is a master of every parenting nuance, I felt it was time for me to impart some of my wisdom to all you new daddies out there. Upon the birth of a first child, we all feel a little unprepared (slang for completely freaked out of our minds) and it helps to have access to a little friendly advice, even from a doofus.
After completing some exhaustive scientific research (two minutes on my phone while in line at Starbucks), I’ve confirmed what I’ve always strongly suspected: I have a very common name. Over the past century, Mark is the 16th most common American first name for men. Johnson is the second most common surname. Combining those stats, the website […]
These days, scrolling through the Internet is like sitting at a table with a dozen six-year-old boys at a Chucky Cheese pizza birthday party — it’s a cacophony of noise, it’s impossible to listen to any single conversation, and even if you could, it wouldn’t be worth your concentration.
So with this in mind, I’m going to make your life easier by giving you clear, succinct, and easy to understand reasons why this post is worth your valuable time, and you can go ahead and forget about all that other stuff on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blah, blah, blah.
You can thank me later.